Catherine Benskin: Who I Am

A few weeks ago, I wrote a letter to the editor of our local paper, The Gazette. I hadn't realized that my letter had been chosen for publication until yesterday when I cleaned out the bottom of my recycle bin and found the papers that my neighbor had stashed there while I was gone.
If you are interested, here is the link:
http://www.gazette.net/stories/112107/montlet62907_32362.shtml .

Exerpts from my article on the Cantor Express weekend has been published in the December issue of MD/DC/VA NPM Chapter Newsletter. Again, to see the full version, see my August entry Cantor Express Revealed below.

Back from my Hawaiian vacation with the family. Ready for the busy Advent and Christmas season.

How many of you are tired of your time being less important than doctor's? Here's my story:

Last Thursday I had an appointment with my psychiatrist, whom I see every 8 weeks to renew my bi-polar meds. I was 15 minutes early. After waiting 40 minutes past my appointmnet time, it was time to go pick up my daughter and 3 other girls from school. I was told if I left I would be charged $100 for a "cancelled" appointment. I am supposed to be able to wait an hour according to the doctors. I was instructed when I rescheduled, I could talk to the doctor to see what could be done. I wasn't too concerned. I have been a patient at this office seeing both a psychiatrist and a therapist for my condition for 4 1/2 years. I don't miss appointments, I pay on time. I figured it was a matter of office policy and for frequent offenders there does need to be consequences.

When I saw my doctor, he told me the most he would take off was $50. So, basically, I am expected to pay $50 for the privelege of waiting 40 minutes? I am a stay-at-home mom. I get paid nothing whether I accomplish my goals for the day or not (which if you are a parent, you know it is usually "not", as your to-do list for one day is worth about a week's time). How much could I accomplish in 40 minutes? I am expected to call if I am going to be even a few minutes late. No one called me to say the doctor was late. And why should I pay if I was on time, early even?

In my opinion, a psychiatrist who teaches his patients that who they are and what they do is invaluable or not as important, is not a good psychiatrist. I refused to pay the $50 and walked out to look for a psychiatrist who doesn't try to keep his/her patients down.

Self-worth issues cured!

Hey All!
Good news! The LGBT Christian newsletter/mag (print and online) that published my essay about the AIDS Ride has published the lyrics to a song I have written. It will be in their Nov/Dec issue. Here's the link: http://epistle.us . I just got my advanced print copy, but the online issue will not be up until Nov 1st.
I am looking for someone who has time to write some chords to the melody. If you are interested, email me with subject header LILY. I'd love to hear from you so I can bring to life this song inspired by (but not all things necessarily based on) my friend Alison I wrote about this summer. Thanks Alison! Love ya, Babe!

The sad news comes to me that my friend and ministry mentor, Clem McClintock has gone to Eternal Glory. Clem was the visionary and (along with devoted wife Loretta) founding leader of our St. Rose Gay and Lesbian Ministry. What wonderful changes he encouraged in the world around him. I recently got Danielle Rose's latest CD. There is a song on there that describes how I see Clem. Always doing God's work humbly. Cardinal Newman provides the text, Danielle the music and voice:

Dear Jesus, help us to spread your fragrance everywhere we go. Flood our souls with your spirit and life. Penetrate and possess our whole being so utterly that all our lives may only be a radiance of yours. Shine through us and be so in us that every person we should come in contact with may feel your presence in our soul. Let them look up and see no longer us, but only Jesus. Stay with us and then we shall begin to shine as you shine so to shine as to be a light to others. The light, Jesus, will be all from you. None of it will be ours; it will be you shining on others through us. Let us thus praise you in the way you love best, by shining on those around us. Let us preach you without preaching: not by words, but by our example by the catching force, the sympathetic influence of what we do, the evident fullness of the love our hearts bear for you. Amen.

Available to listen to at:

http://www.myspace.com/jeffthomasproductions
Available for purchase through WLP

http://www.wlp.jspaluch.com/wlp/product.asp?category=CD&part%5Fno=007567&find%5Fcategory=CD&find%5Fdescription=CDS&find%5Fpart%5Fdesc=I+Thirst&mscssid=2FRUQ5V8XH6K8GUUBTMJ262PDN6GC735
PS Props to WLP for FAXing the pre-published draft of music so we could sing it at the funeral. It went really well.

Definitely words for Cantors, although words for all to live by.

Clem, Well done good and faithful servant.

Thanks to all who participated by running, walking, volunteering time or donating financial support. The number of participants in the 5K hovered around 1500, while walkers was in the 6000 range. Money raised to date is approximately $750,000! This number will continue to rise until year's end I am told. So, if you were not able to donate or not able to donate as much as you would have liked and get a surprise windfall, you can still contribute!

Also great news is that for most of the time I was down there (in my lost & found booth), I had a clear view of the Free HIV testing vans sponsored by Whitman-Walker Clinic as well. Lines were steady and still hadn't diminished by noon when I left!

Thanks again for your support!

Ireland's Four Fields by Cleveland Park Metro. Oct 9, 7 pm. Homosexuality & the Catholic Church. I will be down there with a few friends from my St. Rose ministry and from St. Matthew's Cathedral I believe will have representation, too. Come join us for some fellowship before and after the talk and Q & A. See you there.

I just picked up this pamphlet at church. It's a very affirming pamphlet aimed at those who are living with HIV/AIDS and how we as Christians/Catholics should be responding. I did not know the Archdiocese of Washington DC has an HIV/AIDS ministry. They meet monthly downtown, Metro Accessible. Confidentiality assurred. If you are living with HIV/AIDS, you needn't walk this journey alone. Contact Michael Scott for more information: 301.853.5308; mscott@adw.org .

Hello Friends,

It has been a while. Many of us are settling into new schedules for
the school year and activities at church start up again. Fall can be a
busy time. I hope this note finds you all well.

I am out volunteering to fight the seemingly unstoppable train known
as HIV/AIDS, this time a little closer to home. Here are some local
statistics:

* The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention now estimate that more than one million Americans are living with HIV. Up to one-third of them do not know they are HIV-positive.

*It's estimated that one in every 20 adults in the District of Columbia is infected with HIV.

DC has a higher rate of HIV infection than most sub-Saharan African nations.

*DC has the highest rate of new AIDS cases per 100,000 people in the United States -- a rate that is 12 times the national average.

*In DC, the greatest increase in AIDS cases is occurring among people
of color, women, injection drug users and through heterosexual contact.

*In DC, African-Americans account for eight out of every 10 cases of AIDS.

*More than 15,000 people in the Washington metropolitan area live
with AIDS. Tens of thousands more people are estimated to be infected
with HIV.

It seems overwhelming, doesn't it? How do we get these numbers under control?

Whitman-Walker Clinic is holding a fundraiser and community awareness
project, AIDS Walk Washington. There are many ways you can help. You can volunteer time, you can sign up to walk and raise money (no minimum required), financially sponsor a team, and if you are in no way able to help in these ways, prayers are gratefully accepted.

I am planning to volunteer from 8 am - 12 noon. Please email me if you are interested in signing up with me. Otherwise, please visit the home site www.aidswalkwashington.org to see how you can best use your gifts to serve.

Peace & Blessings!
C

I am proud to say that September was my top earning month for digital downloads. The Summons alone sold 42 tracks alone with Gathered As One coming in second. Thanks so much to all of you who have supported me! If you love my music, tell a friend.

My article "Cantor Express Revealed" will be published in the next NPM Cincinnati Chapter Newsletter. Here's a preview:

“Cantor Express? What’s that all about?” “I’ve been a Cantor for 10, 20, 30 + years, what could I possibly have to learn?” “As a pastor, why should I budget money to send one or more of my music ministers to a Cantor Express Institute?” “My free time is limited, why should I go on a Cantor Express Weekend?” These are the type of questions I have fielded since I registered an NPM Cantor Express Institute Weekend at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh.

I have been a Cantor for at least a decade and intently so. I attend to local workshops, NPM Conventions, continue to read up on my craft and ministry, and consider myself one who strives for Excellence in Liturgy. Some may consider me a Liturgical Geek, although, I prefer the term “Career Cantor.” I have been formed and groomed by well-educated Liturgist/ Music Directors and a pastor who not only valued educated ministers, but expected them. Having gone through the process of earning my Basic Cantor Certificate (BCC), I wondered what I might learn from this experience. I finally decided to go, realizing that if I truly believe in giving my communities the best I have to offer and motivating others to do the same; I owe it to my ministry to find out what Cantor Express is all about. And, the results are in. No matter what your education, experience, or time in ministry, Cantor Express has something for everyone.

So, for you considering that leap of faith, and for you “Doubting Thomas” types, here’s the breakdown. I will base my feedback on this particular experience as facilitators and facilities vary by location. First things first: who goes to Cantor Express? Most of the participants were local to the Pittsburgh area. Kudos to some parishes that sent (and paid for) six or more of their music ministers to attend. There were the sparse few of us who came from farther out and were the sole representatives of our communities. Going around the room, people introduced themselves as new Cantors looking for a solid foundation, Cantors returning to the Institute for another great experience, more experienced Cantors of a decade or two (or three), and music directors looking for how they can better support the musicians of their parish.

Most locations offer on-site or nearby accommodations. Although they may not be considered 5 star (or 3 star in cases), I feel I got the most out of my time by staying with the other participants in close proximity. The weekend was action packed and I was better able to utilize my time by sleeping instead of traveling as some of the locals did by choice or circumstance. After an early dinner on Friday night and a sharing of what we hoped to gain, we dove right into the thick of it.

Each day had a vocal lesson. There was a lot of good information to be attained by those who hadn’t studied voice, but for those who had, it was a great opportunity to add some new exercises to our warm-up and posturing regimens and reconnect with how important those extra 10 or 15 minutes before an early Mass can be.

As a group we attended lectures on the historical origins of the Cantor ministry, basic psalm study and preparation, what church documents say about the role of Cantor in Liturgy, and how to best use our role as Leaders of Prayer to affect an assembly at a challenging level.

In smaller groups, each of us had 20 minutes to receive personal feedback regarding our presentation, with focus on either vocal or psalm interpretation. Times may vary depending on the overall size of the group, 10-15 minutes is the norm. Those who were beginners received well-worded constructive feedback on being comfortable in front of an assembly, vocal production, diction and gestures. More experienced Cantors were able to receive objective feedback on bad habits we may have picked up over time and new insights to current thinking and technique. We were coached on how to break down walls that may be keeping us from truly engaging with an assembly and connecting more deeply with our text. We received affirmation that, “No, Virginia, performance is not a dirty word in music ministry. It is the art of honing your natural skills for effective ministry.” Other hands-on learning opportunities came in the form of music reading/ sight singing basics or a chance to learn/ practice a language foreign to Post-Vatican II babies: Chant.

During the day, breaks and meal times encouraged questions and story sharing and night prayer wrapped things up each evening (in nice weather, under the stars). After hours is when staying on campus came in handy for some extroverted types. Smaller groups took in local sites and cuisine as newbies dove deeper into conversation with the more experienced. Conversations evolved around topics like “Has This Ever Happened to You?”, “Keeping a Prayerful Presence amid the Unexpected”, and the burning question, “What is the BCC and Why Should I Care?”

So, in case I didn’t answer your question clearly,” What did I get out of my Cantor Express Institute Weekend?” “Who is it for?” Cantor Express is for everyone. I was motivated by the enthusiasm of our facilitators, Joe Simmons and Joanne Werner, and of the Cantors just starting their ministry. I have returned with a deeper, fuller meaning of my role as Cantor that we do not always have time to learn at the parish level. I have been validated that I am far more than a singer and have an awesome opportunity and responsibility to embrace my role as Catechist, Minister of Hospitality, Minister of the Word, and Leader of Prayer. I am proud to say, “For more information on Cantor Express Institute or the BCC, feel free to contact me, Catherine Benskin, Career Cantor, Liturgical Geek.”

Now available for people who ask what Roadies do all week. You want more info on the good, the bad, and the funny to see if you should join up for ALC 7? (Also as further proof that work was involved for those who think I just had fun!) Check this link out. I think the picture of my friend Michael & I crying was snapped while we were watching this.

http://aidslifecycle.typepad.com/alc6/alc_roadie_video.html
Blessings ~ C

I just came back from a weekend away in Pittsburgh called "Cantor Express". Sponsored by NPM, the facilitators of the weekend were Joanne Werner and Joe Simmons. It was a great weekend to reconnect with my role as cantor and prayer leader. Joe and Joanne were great at emphasizing the impact the cantor can have on a community of worshippers. When we've been at it a while, we can get stale or just get so "last minute" about preparation that we could be more effective at our ministry. I am so glad I took time out so that I could come back and serve my communites with renewed focus, purpose and energy!

~ Bernard M. Baruch

I saw this quote on a box of Organic Mac & Cheese that I was helping my daughter prepare. I was reminded of the NPM National Convention 2 years ago. Maybe the other participants were too in a scurry meeting with their friends for Eucharist to notice, but maybe some or many of them saw what I saw, a transgender woman sitting alone at a Convention Eucharist of a few thousand people. I am so glad I asked why. As Newton "discovered" gravity, I was blessed with the discovery of a wonderful friendship that has endured for 2 years over the phone lines half a continent away. I also learned so much and was propelled into learning more about a world of people I had not known much about. Two years later, I am excited to know that my friend will again be at the Convention. I am happy to say that she most likely will not be alone this year, but if she is, take a moment to say hello. You never know what you will discover! Thank you Allison! Can't wait to see you!

Some of you have been asking to see pictures of my adventure. A musician friend of mine that I met on the Ride had composed this ditty before the Ride so that he and his teammates could be motivated to make it up some of those killer hils. Upon returning, he put together this slide show to accompany his song. You may view it one YouTube. http://youtube.com/watch?v=gNsnrkc8jl4
In other news, my article is out! Strange how God uses us. Of all things in my life, I never desired or dreamed to have a bi-line. I have heard it say that Fr. Richard Fragamini (a former guest presider at St. Rose) wakes up and says, "Good Morning, God! Surprise Me!" Maybe I said it one day, but I wasn't really awake yet. I get into a lot of things that way.

I will be out next week (July 9-13) in Indianapolis for the NPM Convention. Can't wait to see some of you there!

C

Edrick from The Espistle has just confirmed that the print copies of their issue containing my AIDS LifeCycle article is ready! WOW! It will be available online July 1st, just past midnight under their "What's New?" heading. http://www.epistle.us Will I stay up and wait for it? Most likely not. I have two masses in Purcellville on Sunday starting at 10. Got to get an early start. But, I probably will check it before I head out the door!

Thanks to all who inspired me to write this article and those who encouraged me to seek a publication outlet. I hope that it will peak interest in others to join the RIDE next year!

Peace!

Great news! Thanks to so much wonderful feedback and support from my fan base who received my essay "What's in a Wristband" (below), I was encouraged by many to submit it for publication. Since the larger publications have many professional guidelines (that I obviously do not fulfill), I went for some target marketing. One of the first publications I submitted to The Epistle is going to publish my story in the upcoming July/ August edition. It is mostly an online source, although a limited number will be printed. They will graciously send me a few.

So, in the first week of July, check me out!! http://www.epistle.us
Bonus: Great PR for LifeCycle 7!

What's in a Wristband?

Waiting in the check-in line at LAX, I picture the faces, I hear the
laughter, and I feel the love of friends who began as strangers only a
week ago but made their way into my daily survival for the past 7
days. I hear the voice of our team leader in my head counseling me,
"Tomorrow will be the hardest day." I begin to weep silently, but
openly.

As I pass through security, memories of my week swirl in my mind's
eye. I wander towards my gate. Exhausted from a week of minimal and
low-quality sleep, I flop into an empty chair at my gate and glance
down at my arm to see a something so familiar, I've not realized it's
there- a pair of plastic wristbands. The first one is orange with a
heart-shaped whole punched out of it. This one indicates that I have
both seen the half-hour long safety orientation video in its entirety
and have taken advantage of one of my two allotted 15 minute massages
for the week. The second one is yellow with my participant number
(9154) and an emergency phone number printed on it. With one glance it
indicates that I am a non-vegetarian Roadie who registered for AIDS
LifeCycle 6 through the San Francisco AIDS Foundation.

I reach up to feel around my neck~ a metal beaded dog-tag chain with
two plastic disks attached. The blue one is my camp address ID that I
have worn for the duration of the event. The larger orange one, I
removed from my luggage. With the same ID number inscribed on both, J90, they have connected my person, my luggage, and my tent throughout
my journey.

I contemplate removing these trinkets. Having departed physically
from that week of my life, I will no longer rely on these plastic
tokens that have served as my address, currency and identification on
my adventure. They hold no special significance in the outside world.
When I get home, they may interfere with my daily routine of wife,
mother, community volunteer and music minister. Will they prompt
questions from those close to me and strangers that I will hardly be
able to answer in words alone, even knowing that I could fill volumes
recounting my travels, experiences, and companions?

As soon as I've thought of cutting them off, I am struck with a note
of fear. What if I remove these wristbands? Will I forget where I've
been? Will I forget the faces, the laughter and tears, the joy and
struggle? Will I forget the strangeness that became familiar and the
strangers that became family? Will I forget the 2500+ people who came
from many races, geographic regions, religious associations and lack
thereof, political preferences, gender orientations, couples, singles,
parents, sons and daughters, and the occasional non-regulation dog,
ranging from flamboyant to modest?

Will I forget that for seven days we lived as one community with one
common goal? Will I forget the utopian-like society we built and
maintained? Will I forget how we relied on teamwork, cooperation and
unspoken rules that required us to detour from a planned destination
to help someone pitch their tent, to live in unsecured dwellings
trusting that the few possessions we have brought to sustain us would
not be removed without permission, and to live in quarters so close
that they left no room for pettiness?

Will I forget that as a community we traveled 545 miles down the
coast of California? Will I forget the cities and towns we passed
through from rural to urban, populations of 200 to 10,000,000, simple
livers to materially privileged, who all gave generously from what
they had to welcome us traveling missionaries and to support our
message? Will I forget that the week I signed up for selfishly because
it looked like fun has the potential to save lives?

Will I forget that over 22 million people have died from AIDS, that
over 42 million people are living with HIV/AIDS, that there are 14,000
new infections every day with half of the 5 million new infections
each year occurring among people ages 15 to 24? Will I forget that as
a community, we raised a record 11 million dollars in the fight
against HIV/AIDS?

Will I forget my HIV+ team mates who became soul mates and the random
strangers who were Roadies, Riders and spectators who are HIV+
or have lost someone they love to AIDS that thanked me through
tear-filled eyes, who thanked me for taking time from my family and
work, using my energy and resources to fundraise, spending my personal
savings for travel expenses so that I would be honored enough to
sweat, to hurt, to rise at 3:30 am in the 39 degree damp air, to hand
out snacks, water and encouragement on the bike route and back in camp
and to stand with them in their grief and hope? Will I forget that
they thanked me for doing this so that in our lifetime there may be a
day when no one will have to live or die suffering with HIV/AIDS?

"No," I think. I will not forget. But, as step across the gap that
separates the jet way from the airplane and I return to my regular
life, I am sadly aware of the reality that the impressions of my
experience will fade over time. I am not ready quite yet for that
process to begin. Inching down the aisle, silent tears still fall as I
collapse into my seat, 25 F. I have decided. I will retain my
wristbands for a while more.




Thanks for all those who supported us financially and spiritually.
Thanks for all your support and emails asking how things went. The
answer in one word~ AMAZING! It was such a personal experience and so
much happens in one day that I have trouble knowing where to begin.
So, instead, I sent you an essay I wrote that may put a little
perspective on the subject. Apologies to those who may have already
received this in a personal email.

If there are any cyclists or HIV/AIDS activists (or activists to be)
out there, please consider this your personal invitation to join
LifeCycle next year. I had never camped in my life, and I'll admit it
wasn't the most comfortable thing I've done, but everything that
happened throughout my waking hours totally negated it all! Like
labor, you forget the uncomfortable parts!

Feel free to call or email me with questions concerning my
experience. I highly recommend it! You may also send this email on to
someone you know who is a cyclist (some people never rode until they
started training for this event) or would be a good Roadie!

Love, Peace, & Blessings,

C

Dear Friends,
I am finishing up last minute packing and preparations for my trip to San Fran and beyond for Aids LifeCycle 6.
I will have no use of cell phone or email contact until June 11. The good news is if I have time, I will leave voice updates on my AIDS LifeCycle Homepage http://www.aidslifecycle.org/9154 throughout the week so all can check my progress. Pray for us all!

Thanks!

Last weekend the Gospel focused on sheep. I was fortunate to have a fabulous homilist. His take was that we should take comfort in the Lord as our Shepherd and it is good and right to follow Him. However, we ought to be careful who we allow ourselves to follow. Prayer, study, wisdom, conscience and the Holy Spirit will guide us correctly. Not everyone's message is accurately the Lord's. See photos for Catherine's theology on Sheep. Gary Larson's Far Side has a great perspective.

With that in mind, please join us on Sunday May 6; 3:30- 5:15 pm in the West Conference Room of St. Matthews Cathedral for a discussion led by Msgr. Richard Burton on Catholic Christian Conscience.

My husband has taken a recent liking to Honest Tea. Each bottle comes with a quote in the cap.

If you think you are too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito in the room!" Bette Reese

I was at an appointment today wearing my shirt that says, "Sing Loud!" The person I was with commented that John Wesley, founder of the Methodist church said this:

“Sing lustily and with a good courage” and “have an eye to God in every word you sing.”

Amen!

I think there are some people who at my new parish that are taken aback by my enthusiasm (from the Greek meaning: the God within). The next day, I got this daily meditation in my email. If they only knew what I know.

The key to creating passion in your life is to find your unique talents and your special role and purpose in the world. It is essential to know yourself before you decide what work you want to do. The Greek philosophy, "Know yourself, control yourself, give yourself" is exquisitely sequenced and wise. One's talent, one's mission or role in life is usually detected more than it is invented.

- Stephen Covey, Best Selling Author, The 8th Habit

As CD Baby has recently made a deal with SnoCap, I thought it was time for me to join the rest of the world out there! Come check it out!

http://www.myspace.com/catherinebenskintalanmarcinek